I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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