I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i will never coherently bang her
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
