I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
