He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
