You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
please come you make the beer taste better
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
