weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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