Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
