i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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