Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
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