Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
