i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
