I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
