You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
