Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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