this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
