I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
