Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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