I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
