oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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