I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Small penises have feelings too.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
