So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
