office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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