I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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