it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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