that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
