she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
