I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
