She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
