I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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