Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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