for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Little spoons don't ask big questions
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Randomize
