is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
