i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
