I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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