If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
