You're my little dorito
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
