We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
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I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
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I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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