i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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