it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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