I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
