Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
