How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
