Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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