um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
