I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
