you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
