i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
