I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
