I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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