Screwed.edu
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
