there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
