you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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