i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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