So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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