idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
