watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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