guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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