I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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