I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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