i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
