I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
