How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
