he puts the penis in happiness.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
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You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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