he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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