I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
