She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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