I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
