OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
