Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize